The second half of life can be a very traumatic part of a couples existence. As we get together and marry or live with one another, generally when we are young, we concentrate and sometimes struggle in building our lives. For some of us, that may include children.
Both individuals go through sacrifices in order to grow and create a happy and secure home. Add children also to the mix and the life you once knew as a single person, is basically gone. The things you used to have time to do isn't there anymore.
The obligations to work, church, your spouse, your home, not to mention extended family on both sides, and children, and it seems you never stop. And since I missed commute time, extracurricular activities for the children, going to the gym, grocery shopping, doctor appointments, and much more I didn't mention, you rarely do anything for you.
But we are a resilient species and press forward. After all, we are strong and the reasons we do these things are for ourselves and for our spouse and children, our family. Besides, by now that's all you are looking forward to is the second half of life when things settle down. Right?
We have discussed how relationships can be pulled in many directions on previous pages. Add those to the list above and it sometimes it can be unbearable. Not that you would mention it to your spouse or they you, but it exists.
As for most of us, we are young and strong starting out and you and your spouse or partner strive for the days when you won't have to work so hard, the children will be grown, and hopefully your nest egg has been growing. You both are going to get your lives back and enjoy life, and all the things you always wanted to do, and that you did when you were younger. After all, soon, you are going to get your lives back. Right?
So years have passed now and you both are a little beat. Well, maybe I am being too nice here. You both are tired, disgruntled, bitter, out of shape, and there hasn't been real passion in your lives for a long time. You both have sacrificed a lot for the American dream.
And finally it's here, but now as life passed, the youthful years have come and gone, and all these feelings you have held inside are bubbling to the top. You don't want to sacrifice anymore. You want to do what you want to do. Period!
You want to eat when you are good and ready, what you want to eat, while you watch the television program you want to watch, without interruption. So what happened?
Life is what happened. This is the point where all the things that I have written about in previous pages, plus all this has come to ahead and you are ready to call it quits! No more everyone else, the second half of life is going to be about me!
Generally, if you have been fortunate in your lives and nothing too drastic has happened, you can afford to split up. For some,these feelings are overwhelming. And they didn't come all of a sudden either. These are feelings that have been fermenting for many years, and now it's time to be on your own you feel.
Well, I completely understand the emotions you are feeling. You may even actually still like or even love your spouse, but you have to go, for yourself. You have reached your forties or early fifties, the kids are grown, and you have never felt so mortal. And even though you may have half, or less, of your second half of life to live, you think to yourself how many of those years will be good and healthy ones?
You don't want to hurt anyone but can't control this yearn, this need, this desire anymore.
The second half of life can be a traumatic one for everyone involved. You know what you need for yourself, but don't want to be selfish and self centered. You don't want to hurt your spouse and wonder how well they will get along without you. Your children may be very mad at you and it's doubtful whether they will understand what you are going through.
The second half of life can also be of time of going on antidepressents.
And if you don't have the financial means of leaving, it can upset you even more, and therefore may have to stay.
This is a problem that many people face, male and female. Is there a right answer? I don't know. I would like to think morally that you would stay. And I also understand psychologically you need to do this for your well being. But I know that is serious and a life changing period in many peoples lives.
If nothing else, don't just walkout one day. Talk with your spouse and see if you are able to accomplish all the the things you need to do for yourself, and stay too. That's the best of both worlds.
Yes, in your second half of life, the things that you want to do may stun your spouse, at least in the beginning, but maybe it would be worth it, and actually be a little exciting, to have some change around the house and in your lives. The second half of our lives lived romantically is not easy and you face many things, but do them honestly, respectfully, and with love, as love remembers.