Unrequited love is when your love for someone is not returned. It is a terrible feeling, and one that makes going through every day, feeling lost, and depressed. Logic however, makes things simpler. Oh, only if our hearts were logical. Logic will tell us that there is no future in loving a person that doesn't love you. I mean, why would you want someone that didn't want you?
However, there are millions of people who have deeply loved someone, and that person did not feel the same way about you. Unrequited love starts when we are very young and we call it puppy love.
Unrequited love hurts us so much at such a young age, but we will find as we get older, the hurt of love doesn't get any easier. It doesn't make sense does it? You love someone so much, and why they don't love you back doesn't make sense, does it? Such is life.
As we get older, even if we try and be extra careful not to feel hurt again, because we remember what that felt like as a child, we still go back for more. Sounds silly doesn't it? But a heart does what it wants to do.
You didn't want to fall in love again when you were dating, and you were not going to be so vulnerable this time, and that's all you want is some company, some companionship. Right? And then those feelings creep up on you. You know they are coming. You try to hold them back. You start to feel wonderful inside and you try to resist. And then...
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
- Rita Mae Brown
Yes, you fell in love, again. With all the millions of topics written on the subject, and trying to figure out love, we just find a certain person attractive, enjoy them, and begin to create a bond. Someone that makes us feel so good inside. But we are all so different as human beings. And those differences can make one of us in love, and one of us not. That's unrequited love. For some, the love is so strong that we lose our sense of self. How do I go on without_____? Why doesn't _____love me?
These are age old questions. Unrequited love is heart breaking. Some of us come from different worlds and just happen to meet. We find each other attractive, usually fall in lust first, and then in love. But if one person is raised one way and the other another way, they will have different takes on life. These are the differences that start to separate us.
We are all different. They can find each other attractive, but their make up, their differences, will not mesh with each other.
You feel the love so strong, and you think that it is enough because you are blinded by the love you feel. But it's not enough. It never will be. That is what unrequited love is. One person loving the other, without it being returned.
I looked into astrology one time. Whether you believe in it or not is up to you. But one thing astrology offers us is a breakdown of twelve different signs based on when we were born. If you have never read them you should take the time and read about the twelve different personalities that make us who we are.
I found it quite interesting. Although you may not find every aspect of a persons personality under the description of their sign, you will find that the people you know, that you can compare, is uncanny and true.
It just says that we are made up of different personalities in this world of ours. And some personalities get along better with some rather then others. Even at that, it still doesn't mean that we are right for each other though. But it is interesting. I bought a book on my sign that was quite lengthy, and it was ninety percent correct. Creepy really.
Can you survive unrequited love? The simple answer is yes. When will the pain go away? It will take some time. And will you ever completely get over that person? Maybe not. That person may stay in your thoughts the rest of your life. And then again, they just may be a devilish giggle one day and that's all.
If you are the type of person that is scared of rejection, you should never think about love. As you will find that rejection will come your way more times then not.
Healing from unrequited love is a time thing. I'm sorry. I wish there was a pill that you could take that could make you forget, but there isn't. But I heard that they are testing one in Europe that erases recent memory for people involved in trauma cases. Maybe if it works, it will be used for the trauma of this kind of heartache. For many, they seek anti-depressants as they blunt emotions, therefore you don't feel these emotions as strong and it may be easier to forget.
Time really does heal all wounds for the most part. How much time? Well, it really comes down to this. The longer it takes, the more you were truly in love. If you get over it in a month or two and you are already dating, then it probably wasn't love anyway.
It is sad when people you know, become people you knew....
It is one of life's tragedies when you meet someone that you know is meant to be but due to unexpected circumstances and misunderstandings becomes someone you knew.
And when you can walk right past someone that at one time in your life was a big part of your life...
And how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life...
And now you can barely look at them and they at you...
And all you have left is that aching feeling in your soul...
Don't call the person as you will become just another heart broken pain in the ass. Leave the person with nice thoughts of you. Don't go where you know the person might be just to accidentally on purpose run into them. The only person it will hurt is going to be you. The more you know, the more you will be hurt. Unrequited love can make you look like a jerk, or even a stalker.
Joel Osteen said "In life we go through seasons. Recognize it's over, be grateful for the time you spent together, and press forward." Sounds easy, doesn't it? But for many, unrequited love will take a lot of time and healing.
As you probably won't see each other any more, when you do, be kind. A friendly hello, and say goodbye. Little conversations like these MAY be able for you to become civil to each other again one day.
I know the pain will be almost unbearable with unrequited love. And I know that you will think of that person, and they way they used to love you, every waking moment of every day. The say that the loss of a love is like someone's grief when someone dies.
The loss is devastating. And as your former mate moves on, and changes who they are, and enjoys life, you are in a place that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. You see, if someone can move on this easy, they really never loved you. A tough pill to take. Maybe you were just used. Maybe your love was not unconditional. And isn't that what love is supposed to be?
And as hard as this is to accept this unrequited love, it may be the truth. So you have to get through. Don't take it day by day. Take it moment by moment. Little steps.
For moral support through your unrequited love, talk to your friends and family. If needed, seek professional help to get you through the tough times. Stay close with friends if you can, go work out to get your mind off of things, and let life take its course. They say an idle mind is the devils workshop, so keep yourself busy. Life has a funny way of making you whole again and bring someone even better into your life.
You need to find the courage to bring an old relationship to its end. It can give you that deeper understanding of healthy boundaries – unconditional love is not selfless. You need to start loving yourself enough to love others in the healthiest possible way. By doing this, it allows us to love our self and to walk away for your own health.
It has been said that sometimes it is good to write about your relationship and your feelings. Actually put it on paper. As you do, you may realize more about the relationship then you have before. You may find out more then you ever thought possible.
People who say they hate the other person don't realize one thing. In order to hate someone that much, you have to love them that much.
Our search for someone to love, and be loved back, is age old. No matter how much we have been hurt by someone, most of us will never stop the search to find our special someone.
And if that search turns up a soul mate, you will be forever blessed.
We all need love. And although people say, I am through with men, or I am through with women, they really are not. You will find your love. But you have to find "you" first. Live your life the way that makes you happy.
Getting over unrequited love is likely to take every bit of strength you have, and then some. Your pain will be relentless. And knowing that a person who looked into your eyes told you how much they loved you, now is the person that kicked you to the curb. They go on with their lives happily while you hurt like you never hurt before, and can't believe they have done this to you. I am so sorry!
Don't put a date on stopping the mourning your loss of unrequited love. Just take it one moment at a time. When you are healed, you will know. You may never heal completely because when a person means that much to you, it tends to stay with you forever, Just like Carol Anne from Ontario who has held this love in heart for 39 years.
Her story is here.
But heal my friend. Unrequited love is very hard to endure and let go of, as love remembers.
And in unrequited love you may want to send a letter that maybe some day the person may read.
Remember that anger and love are two sides of the same coin.
If you really want love in your life, you must be willing to spend a little time with love's less comfortable relatives, anger and pain. It's common to think that with anger and pain come breakup and divorce. But the bottom line is the more you love someone, the more able they are to piss you off. So be aware: Anger and intense emotion are normal when you truly love and care.
Mel McDaniel sings about this two-sided coin in
"Anger and Tears":
Anger and tears, anger and tears
Is that all that's left of us after loving all these years
As slowly as love grows how soon it disappears
In a house full of anger and a heart full of tears
Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful.
It is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way.
It is not irritable or resentful.
It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends. I Corinthians 13: 4-8
Here are the words to the song from Susan Boyle, I dreamed a dream. And the link below the words are the live performance on You Tube. This is a must see, and also a tear jerker!
I dreamed a dream in time gone by.
When hope was high, And life worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die.
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid
When dreams were made and used, and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted.
But the tigers come at night.
With their voices soft as thunder.
As they tear your hopes apart.
As they turn your dreams to shame.
And still I dream she'll come to me
And we will live our lives together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather.
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.