What if...? And age old question that all of us ask when we breakup, or when unrequited love is in place.
This question reminds me of the saying that goes like this, "if you want peace in your life, don't ask why". This question will only bring you heartache. You can't press forward in your life if you continually ask that question. How many of you have broken up and both of you ask yourselves what if? Does it heal your wounds? NO!
You see, that question should have never had to of been asked by you. You should have dealt with the issue's in your relationship long before this question ever needed to be considered. By the time you read this you will know what I am talking about.
You can't go there! People look at life in different ways. There are people who believe in fate, or basically things that happen are meant to be. And some people believe that you make your own fate, basically what happens to you is what you make happen.
Let me tell you that life is full of choices. And every choice we make from the time we are a very young person will determine what our future will hold. But even then, there is an old religious saying that says, "if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."
If you believe in fate, then realistically, if every thing that happens to you is meant to be, your destiny. If that is the case, why even get out of bed in the morning? If there is a person out there that you were meant to be with, then they will just show up one day at the "fated" time. Right? They will just show up and you will live happily ever after. And you will not have the need to ask what if...?
Or, if you believe in you, or make your own fate, free will if you will, then you are the one who determines who you will end up with, or at least try to end up with. If you let your relationship go to a point where things happen to pull you apart in whatever way, then it's your fault. So, then there is no reason to question what if...?
Know love is tricky though. You can be doing everything right, and things are going just fine. But one day, your boyfriend or girlfriend gets a new job. Maybe in another area or town. And all of a sudden, one day they come home and say, we need to talk. The one statement no one wants to hear! They say they have met someone new, and they don't love you anymore, as they met someone else that makes them happier, or they want to be free to date others.
Was that fate? And if you believe the other way, yes, you made your own life like you were supposed to, and things were going just fine, but the person left anyway.
Call it life. Call it love. It hurts and it's painful. And some people never get over that person, and some people do. So, don't ask what if...? You just hurt yourself. We all go through different seasons in our lives. If you were with someone for a while, it was your season to be together. Accept that it's over, and be grateful for the time you had with each other, and press forward. You really have no other choice in the matter.
You see, there is no what if...? Because what if... would have never happened no matter how you perceive life. Love is a complicated thing that there is no figuring it out. Don't ask yourself what if...? I know that it is killing you emotionally, but taking a chance on love is just that, a chance. And if you can't handle rejection very well, it is probably the last thing you should be doing is entering into a relationship.
But with all the pain and heartache love brings sometimes, we keep going back for more because if the way it makes us feel. And when we get over the pain, and even when we are not over the pain, we go back and try again.
Yes, there are many of us that have an uncanny feeling that the two of you were just right for each other. But for whatever reason, you are not together now. Does it make sense? Probably not. But this is what life brings, and the chances you take. There are no guarantees it is going to work out forever. Look at the divorce rate. Just that alone proves shit happens! And all those people who got married and divorced, never thought they would not make it.
It's just life. No matter how close you were. No matter how you told each other how much you loved each other. No matter how you sexually loved each other. No matter what, it's just life. And we can't change it. I am not saying it's right. I am not saying it's fair. It's just they way it is.
So don't ever ask yourself what if...? You will just keep hurting yourself while your ex is going on with life, and chances are, not thinking of you ever again.
This hard look at love is not written to hurt you, but to make you try to look at life in a realistic way. Maybe, just maybe, you can try to consume part of this and give you a little more strength to get through these really tough times in love. Maybe by looking at it logically, instead of emotionally, you will understand that there is nothing you can do about it, and you can't make someone love you, no matter how much your heart wants to. It's hard when, love remembers.
When the people you are interested in are not totally available, you have two choices: You can accept the relationship on their terms, or, you can disconnect. Either way you have to deal with being alone part of the time. Such relationships, in business and personal require patience. This is the deal with people who have trust issues. Getting in or out is the question now.
By Michael Lutin